{"id":22989,"date":"2021-08-11T11:12:50","date_gmt":"2021-08-11T11:12:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/?p=22989"},"modified":"2024-07-11T12:39:23","modified_gmt":"2024-07-11T12:39:23","slug":"it-starts-with-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/?p=22989","title":{"rendered":"It starts with YOU!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\n
How much longer can we continue to point fingers at everyone and everything else as the reason for our struggles? The lack of emotional availability from our parents, a critical teacher or boss, back stabbing friends, the betrayal of a loved one. All of these experiences are real, relevant and valid. At what point though do we choose to regain our power and recognize that these experiences we have had are not a reflection of who we are or where things end?<\/p>\n

As children we make sense of the world and who we are through the experiences and people we encounter. They begin to define our sense of \u2018normal\u2019 and the basis at which we build our lives. No one tells us (likely because they didn\u2019t know this themselves) that our experiences are exactly that \u2013 experiences \u2013 and that we don\u2019t need to identify with them. For example, if a father was absent, a child begins to question whether they are lovable or good enough. An individual who fails a test equates themselves to \u201cbeing\u201d a failure. We take experiences and allow them to mean something about us – instead of seeing them as momentary pit stops en route the journey of life.<\/p>\n

Blame creates shame.\u00a0We remain in victim consciousness which allows us to lose our empowerment if we\u2019re blaming someone else, and we remain in unworthiness if we\u2019re blaming ourselves.<\/p>\n

Accountability in our adult relationships requires detaching from the expectation that any of our personal needs will be met by the other.\u00a0\u00a0No one can be expected to meet our needs unless these two conditions are met: 1) that the person is emotionally and physically able to; and 2) that the person is willing and wanting to do so. Until then we have to adult our inner selves and ask \u2018how are my old wounds leading me to react in this way right now?\u2019 It\u2019s not about wallowing but rather how our past has impacted us.<\/p>\n

To move away from being the victim in all situations we need to ask ourselves \u201chow did I contribute to the situation? Was there something I could have done differently?\u201d Justifying ours or others\u2019 behaviour is the reason we stay stuck. We stay stuck because we have justified a reason to remain. Justifications are the opposite of accountability.<\/p>\n

Where do we need to \u201chand it back\u201d to those who are responsible for their behaviour or to circumstances beyond our control? To free us to focus on what is our responsibility and what we are accountable for \u2013 ourselves.<\/p>\n

This month\u2019s newsletter was inspired by Dr Shefali Tsabary\u2019s book \u201cA Radical Awakening\u201d where she shares an Accountability Statement that forced me to pay attention. Here it is:<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything I see is from\u00a0my own mind<\/u>. Everything I feel comes from\u00a0my own mind<\/u>. Everything I know others to be comes\u00a0from my own mind<\/u>. When I am broken I interpret the others brokenness as mine. When I am whole I interpret the others brokenness as theirs. Reality is always neutral. Neither good nor bad\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Here she encourages us to be accountable for what we feel, see and interpret as it comes from our own minds \u2013 no one else\u2019s. Once we reach adulthood, we can no longer blame anyone else for what comes from self. She additionally demonstrates that when we are broken it is difficult to clearly see the others\u2019 brokenness that we need to hand back. We unconsciously see it as our own as it mirrors ours. However, when we become\u00a0conscious<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0and are whole \u2013 we begin to clearly see the others\u2019 brokenness as theirs, hand it back to them, and refuse to carry a burden that is not our responsibility.<\/p>\n

Self-accountability is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
\n
Science\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>on\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\u2018How to develop Self-Accountability\u2019:<\/em><\/u><\/strong><\/div>\n
\n
\nTony Robbins shares 5 strategies to help you improve personal accountability:<\/div>\n
    \n
  1. Examine your thoughts and values<\/li>\n
  2. Turn your \u2018shoulds\u2019 into \u2018musts\u2019<\/li>\n
  3. Develop time management skills<\/li>\n
  4. Watch your words<\/li>\n
  5. Get support<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    <\/div>\n
    Click on the link for the full article and detail of each strategy<\/div>\n
    https:\/\/www.tonyrobbins.com\/personal-growth\/self-accountability\/<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
    \n\n\n\n
    <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
    \n\n\n\n
    \n\n\n\n
    This month\u2019s challenge:<\/em><\/strong><\/u><\/p>\n
    \nRead Tony Robbin\u2019s full article, reflect on the 5 strategies and create\u00a0action steps.\n<\/div>\n

    Supercharge the challenge:<\/em><\/strong><\/u><\/p>\n

    \nSpend some time with your journal and reflect on your life journey. Using a time line from birth to now, stop and note where you have been hurt or where you carry resentment from the experiences you have had. Acknowledge them, breathe into the pain you feel in your body to release it, hand back what was not your responsibility to carry and own the parts that are yours to be accountable for. Complete this exercise by visualizing and feeling the lightness within you, as you release what no longer serves you\u00a0and create a new way of being.<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    How much longer can we continue to point fingers at everyone and everything else as the reason for our struggles? The lack of emotional availability from our parents, a critical teacher or boss, back stabbing friends, the betrayal of a loved one. All of these experiences are real, relevant and valid. At what point though…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22991,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-conscious-living"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22989"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22989"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22989\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22992,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22989\/revisions\/22992"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/22991"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/versionx.bronwynrusso.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}